In my latest post I wrote about some of the struggles I have had since the beginning of the year. Today I share an update.
A few weeks after I wrote that post I speak of I continued to stuggle Having difficulty finding my way & longing for answers to questions such as “What is the whole purpose of my existence? Why do bad things happen to good people?How can people be so hurtful & feel no remorse?How can people use words like weapons & cut me & not realize how or seem to care,how they left me bleeding & wounded? How can I snap out of this depression & not wanting to be around people?”
I reached for my phone one evening & I reached out for help.I reached out to my friend,pastor of Community Life Church , Karl. “Can you & Elaine meet with me,I am struggling?”
I prepared a lunch and they graciously came to my home. I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain how I felt,or if I could make my feelings understood.I began to talk.Three hours later as they sat with me & listened and listened,I took a bite of my food I had prepared & it was cold,and my heart was warm.
I had asked Karl those questions as I explained my pain going way back even to my childhood with tears & a rapidly beating heart. Never once did they get out of their seats at my table to console me.No hugs.I didn’t realize it until well after they left.I had a yoga practice that evening and it was then that I realized it and I even told my friends (my class) about it.They never got out of their seats to console me as they were allowing me to feel it all.They knew I was speaking of much pain that I have bottled up for so very long.They knew I needed to feel it as only then did Karl begin to speak,
With much kindness, wisdom, humility.
I had told him how I often feel so misunderstood as I don’t think the way a lot of people think,and therefore often it’s easier to stay away from people.
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience,we are spiritual beings having a human experience- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
Serenity Prayer- “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”
“Taking this sinful world as it is,trusting that you will make all things right”
These really stuck with me among other words of wisdom from him. As Karl & Elaine were leaving they said “Don’t let anyone dim your light Darlene.”
I have a calendar group that women from far and wide are in .
My mouth dropped when I ,the following day read them and the Thought of the day I always pick out randomly a card to post.These are above in the photo.
Speaking with my friend Laura that day about all the “messages” that were coming in through the morning ,were all signs to me that reaching for the phone to ask for help from Karl that evening ,was no coincidence.
I write this today on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I am writing this when I woke up this morning I had intended to stay in my pj’s and play Crash Bandicoot or read all day . I am writing this after attending CLC this morning (haven’t been for way too long) where Karl spoke of our soul.
During an amazing sermon Karl read the Serenity Prayer.
He also said this in regards to how does the soul keep working.
-I acknowledge the existence of my soul and its importance to temporal & eternal life-I identify the things that detract from my relational well being. ( God and Man)
Great impact of my soul .
Much “food” was prepared for me to take in to nourish and comfort me in healing those bruises and wounds that have beaten me down ,trying to dim my light.
All I had to do was be open to ask for it and to receive it.
We are never alone .
I won’t allow them to dim my light Karl and Elaine.I will shine bright enough to maybe help them find their way to happiness & peace.
Love & Light[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
